You Can't Win With Me


If you say to me,"How are you doing?" with such sympathy and
meaning in your voice I reply,"I'm fine," and brush you off,
because to talk about my loss with you is just too painful.
If you see me and don't mention the loss that is consuming my thoughts,
I think you don't care enough,
or are too scared to mention it for fear that you might upset me.
You can't win with me.

If you say,"I'm sorry your son died," it is hard for me to reply to that.
What do you expect me to say?
I want to say,"I'm sorry too!" or "It's Awful!"
I want to scream,"It's not fair!!"
But I won't because I don't want to upset myself today, not in front of you.
So I reply,"Thank you."

That thanks means so much more than that.
It means thanks for caring,
thanks for trying to help,
thanks for realizing that I'm still in pain.

If you don't know what to say to me that's okay because I don't
know what to say to you either.
If you see me smile or laugh don't assume
I must have forgotten my son for the moment,
I haven't, I can't, I never will.

Tell me that I look good today.
I will know what you mean I'm getting good at picking up unspoken cues from you.
If you see me and think I look upset or sad, you are probably right.
Today might be an anniversary day for me, or some event might have triggered a wave of grief in me.

If you don't say anything I'll think you don't care about me,